It’s been said that we only fall in love with 3 people in our lifetime.
It says..
Our first is when we are young, in high school even. It’s the idealistic love. The one that seems like the fairytales we read as children.
(I spoke about mine in a previous post, “Young Love” so I won’t talk about him in this one.)
The second is supposed to be our hard love. The one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved. This is the kind of love that hurts, whether through lies, pain or manipulation.
And the Third is the love we never see coming. The one that usually looks all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be. This is the love that comes so easy it doesn’t seem possible. It’s the kind where the connection can’t be explained and knocks us off our feet because we never planned for it.
Now, with that being said.. this post is for my Second Love.
The one that destroyed me and betrayed me beyond anything I could have imagined.
I first saw him on a dating website. We never really spoke until I actually ran into him at a Subway.
We made small talk, flirted, and I left. Thinking I’d never see this tall, dark and handsome guy ever again.
I went home and thought about how familiar he looked until I realized he was on my “matches” on this dating website.
I reached out and told him it was me he ran into at Subway and we laughed and thought it was an awesome coincidence. 🙄 yeah right.
Now I wish I would have kept my mouth shut and never reached out to him.
Now, this man was 6’4, 250 lbs of pure muscle, a basketball player (my favorite sport btw), gorgeous smile, intelligent, funny, romantic and all the above. I couldn’t believe he was mine.
Or so I thought
This man was manipulative, condescending, narcissistic, abusive in every way but mostly emotionally and mentally.
But no one would have believed me if I told them that. This man was an amazing friend. And what I mean by that is he is always there for you, supportive, would go out of his way for you and just the definition of a true friend. But he never did those things or acted that way in a relationship.
He had no idea how to be a boyfriend.
He would flirt and “talk” with numerous women and say “you’re just insecure” or “it’s not that serious, you’re overreacting”
And he actually had me belive that I was. Lol such a joke right?!
He’d make little comments like “I need a girl that’s a gym rat like me” or “I need a woman that’s fit like me”
And I hated the gym, it made me uncomfortable to go there. Cause I’m not the skinniest girl, I’m pretty thick. So there was a tug at my self esteem.
He would get me gym passes and say “I’ll help you workout” but would act like a trainer. So he’d push me hard knowing I had difficulty with certain workouts. And if I told him I couldn’t do something he’d either say, “well if you lost some weight blah blah…” or he’d ignore me, or just leave.
L O L
And trust me. That’s not even the worst part.
This man was addicted to Porn and Sex.
Like he said he NEEDED sex every single day multiple times a day and he considered that normal. He was needing a pornstar. Every day, every hole type of gal. And that DEFINITELY wasn’t me.
Look I get it. Sex is awesome. But when you’re treating your “girlfriend” like dog shit and making her insecure, she’s not going to want to do any of that.
He would watch porn on a DAILY.
Even after we had sex, he would wait till I fell asleep and go watch more porn.
EVEN THAT DIDN’T MAKE ME LEAVE!
I literally thought something was wrong with me. He made me incredibly weak when I have always been a strong and independent woman. Yet I couldn’t leave. I couldn’t get out. He literally crippled me into thinking I needed to be treated this way.
He would go back to his college for Alumni Week or whatever and wouldn’t talk to me the entire time.
Now what do you think is going through my mind… 🙄😒
He would come back and act like nothing happened, then tell me he shared a bed with a girl but got mad at me for getting mad. 😂 uh… what?! Lol
But he woulsld constantly comment on his ex-girlfriends pictures (who was insanely overweight) and say, “you look amazing” but couldn’t compliment me once..
But then tell me “Oh we’re just friends” or “we never talk though so don’t be jealous”
But yet, he was texting her behind my back THE WHOLE TIMEEE. LOL
Guys, I know. How stupid could I be?!
I was with him for almost 2 years.
Until one day, he and I got into an arguement and he started throwing chairs and other things at me, the second I tried to walk out the door, he grabbed my throat and shoved me into a wall. Slammed my head into the wall twice until I fell down.
He walked away and that was it.
Who was I going to tell?
Not my Parents. They would have ended up in jail for murder. Not his parents, especially his mother. Cause why would their perfect college graduate, never hurt a fly, son do that?
I was stuck and cripped by this Ma .
I mean he could do no wrong.
His mom would be in our disagreements too, trying to “Protect” her baby and she’d say,
“He doesn’t know how to make you happy.”
“You ask for too much”
“He doesn’t deserve this”
Girl, all I’m asking is that your son treat me with loyalty, respect and not shove my head through a wall but yeah, I’m asking for too much. 😂🤷🏻♀️
Until one day…
He went back to his Alumni Night at his college. He had a basketball game and he was getting all these new followers and friends. (Mostly women) 🙄 shocker right?
They even posted on his Facebook like.. “Live your life, dont let a stupid girl make you unhappy” or “It’s better to be single than deal with a jealous immature girl”
I mean.. who else would they be talking about. 😂
And the second I knew we were done was when HIS MOTHER posted a picture of her and him, captioning it
“He’s single and ready to mingle” 😂
Best part of the relationship was the end.
So, with ALL that being said.
Your second love may be unhealthy, unbalanced and narcissistic even. There may be emotional, mental or even physical abuse or manipulation.
Most likely there will be high levels of drama. This is exactly what keeps us addicted to this person, because it’s the emotional rollercoaster of extreme highs and lows and like a junkie trying to get a fix, we stick through the lows with the expectation of the high.
I pray we can all get over these “Second Loves” because everything is so much better after them.